Peeb Limericks

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Balaam's Ass
Posts: 650
Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2013 4:23 am
Location: Omnipresent

Peeb Limericks

Post by Balaam's Ass » Thu Aug 09, 2018 4:50 am

A young brother amongst us, a prolific hymn writer, has graduated to peeb limericks and I think they should see the light of day here.

I shall add others as they arrive - feel free also to add your own.

There once was a Vessel Elect
Who struggled to get it erect
At his right hand
Many pleasures are planned
But he'll need the help of his sect!

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Balaam's Ass
Posts: 650
Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2013 4:23 am
Location: Omnipresent

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by Balaam's Ass » Thu Aug 09, 2018 6:28 am

There once was a curious sect
Who really were most circumspect
They thought that you
Might defile their poo
So their drainage they did disconnect!

[Contributed]

I know of a cult most exclusive
Whose members' beliefs are delusive
For they are dead sure
JT Junior was pure
Which most of us find quite amusive!

[Contributed]

There once was a spineless ol' plonker
Called Alan-I-passed-my-wife-on-Ker
And JT in fact
Was caught in the act
At Aberdeen, where he did bonk 'er!

[Contributed]

Ian McKay
Posts: 1464
Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2013 8:04 am

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by Ian McKay » Thu Aug 09, 2018 12:37 pm

An Irreverent Potted History of one tiny fragment of Plymouth Brethrenism

There was a young chap, JND
Left the Anglican Church, to be free,
He formed a new church,
Which he left in the lurch,
Divided like boughs of a tree.

And then there was James Butler Stoney,
Who, some thought, was dodgy or phoney,
So Stuart and Grant
Rejected his slant,
As a fanciful load of baloney.

When Stoney was safely in heaven
The next of our Leaders was Raven,
Individualistic
And a bit of a mystic,
He left us with split number seven.

Around the same time there was Coates,
Who deserves quite a few of our votes,
For he didn’t do “isms”
And visions and schisms;
He was more like the sheep than the goats.

We were governed a bit more severely
By Taylor, who led us all nearly
To the slippery slope
That would lead to a Pope,
But he never quite spelled it out clearly.

So our first recognisable Pope
(The one who was fond of a grope)
It’s generally reckoned
Was J. T. the Second,
Who was given a bit too much rope.

When the urge was too strong to resist
He arranged an unfortunate tryst;
What happened in bed
Is better not said,
But I think you can guess at the gist.

Soon Symington came to the fore,
Made of stone from the skin to the core,
And those who felt pain
At his hard, brutal reign
Were speedily shown to the door.

The next was a fellow called Hales,
Who dreamed up some wonderful tales
Of his God-given role
To dictate and control,
And the God-given status of males.

And so it went on down the line,
Progressive decay and decline,
Each phase that went past
Was worse than the last,
All thinking their teachings were fine.

Then Wyman and peebs.net and Jill,
Who reckoned we’d all had our fill,
With websites and tracts
They exposed all the facts
With their will and their quill and their skill.

And a gentle tornado called Ngaire
Came riding in like a Valkyrie;
It’s the first time the sect
Was at risk of being wrecked
And began to foresee its expiry.

It’s by patience and labour and sweat
Our ambitions and hopes will be met;
With families united
And leaders indicted
And what they deserve they will get.

Our labours are only beginning,
It’s a little bit soon to be grinning,
They know how to cheat,
And they’re skilled at deceit,
But the truth has a habit of winning.

twotimothytwo
Posts: 1573
Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:16 pm

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by twotimothytwo » Tue Aug 14, 2018 12:40 pm

Some farmers out New South Wales way
Are urgently needing some hay
Need a few bales?
Just ask the Hales
But don't mention the fact if you're gay.

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Balaam's Ass
Posts: 650
Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2013 4:23 am
Location: Omnipresent

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by Balaam's Ass » Fri Sep 28, 2018 9:46 am

Said Brucie to Jenjen one day,
Young Gazza when I pass away,
He could have all this
With a coating of jizz,
If only he wasn't so gay!

(Gay - for the sake of the young - means light-hearted and carefree. Dictionary.com)
Last edited by Balaam's Ass on Sun Sep 30, 2018 3:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

twotimothytwo
Posts: 1573
Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:16 pm

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by twotimothytwo » Fri Sep 28, 2018 5:13 pm

Old Craddock said 'We'll soon fix that
We'll give you some Cyperostat'
Cos Bruce says 'No way
That you can be gay
And sit in the meeting, you twat'.

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GoliathSlayer
Posts: 8
Joined: Tue Jan 07, 2014 4:20 pm

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by GoliathSlayer » Wed Oct 10, 2018 3:36 pm

There once was a serpent named Hales
Whose skin was covered in scales
With horns on his head
His face bright red
He prayed his critics to jails
Samuel Forrest

twotimothytwo
Posts: 1573
Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:16 pm

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by twotimothytwo » Fri Oct 19, 2018 11:51 am

This vessel found in New South Wales
Otherwise known as Mr 'Hay Bales'
He's no time for God
Just bigs up his wad
By increasing U. Beattie's sales.

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Balaam's Ass
Posts: 650
Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2013 4:23 am
Location: Omnipresent

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by Balaam's Ass » Wed Oct 24, 2018 5:46 am

There was a cult leader called Bruce
Whose followers cried "What the deuce?
He won't use a fax
Won't even pay tax
He's just a silly old goose!"

The Erect Vessel
Posts: 537
Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 2:19 am
Location: Not la la land

Re: Peeb Limericks

Post by The Erect Vessel » Thu Nov 01, 2018 4:19 am

There once was a Leader quite elusive
Whose talk was really abusive
He still couldn't figure
You can't use the word n*****
But happy to sue de rigeur

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