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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 3:04 am 
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Posts: 2536
If we fail to have the 'last word 'the EB/ PBCC will....if we don't say speak for the victims of this cult-who will?


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Sat Jan 07, 2017 9:16 am 
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Joined: Thu Feb 21, 2013 4:23 am
Posts: 584
Location: Omnipresent
That was a good him. Let's see what Brother Alan Jackson can come up with. He calls it 'The Supper Song'.

The room is hot and that old clock is movin' slow,
An' so am I.
Meeting passes like molasses in wintertime,
But it's July.
I'm gettin' gifts by the hour, an' drunker by the minute.
My boss just pushed me over the limit.
I'd like to call him somethin',
I think I'll just call it a day.

Pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Johnny Walker" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.
It's six a.m. somewhere.

Oh, this meeting is gonna take all afternoon,
An' half the night.
Tomorrow mornin', I know there'll be hell to pay,
Hey, but that's all right.
I ain't missed a meeting now in over a year.
No more vacations, gotta stay right here.
Hit the 'phones for me,
You can tell 'em I just jetted away.

An' pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Johnny Walker" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.
It's six a.m. somewhere.

I could pay off my tab, pour myself in a cab,
An' be back at the meeting before two.
At a moment like this, I can't help but wonder,
What would Bruce D Hales do?

BDH:
Funny you should ask that because I'd say:
Pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Johnny Walker" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.

Pour me somethin' tall an' strong,
Make it a "Johnny Walker" before I go insane.
It's only half-past twelve but I don't care.
He don't care.
I don't care.
It's six a.m. somewhere.

What time zone am on? What country am I in?
It doesn't matter, it's six a.m. somewhere.
It's always on six in Sydney town, come to think of it.
Yeah, I heard that.
You been there haven't you?

Yessir.
I seen your jet there.
I've been to Sydney town a few times.
All right, that's good.
Stumbled all the way back.
OK. Just wanna make sure you can keep it between the hymns.
Bring the booze, I tell you.
All right. Well, it's six a.m. Let's go somewhere.
I'm ready, crank it up.
Let's get out of here.
I'm gone.
Let's get out of here.


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 8:13 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 2:19 am
Posts: 423
Location: Snidey
Ahh a great Him there beloved BA... sorry I don't get out much to meetings these days. Skip them all the time. You see, as your illustrious Leader - the Lining Shi...sorry Shining Light of the UBewt Empire under the wonderful lovely umbrella of tax free status bestowed upon us, because after all we are the church....what are we called these days.? Do we need to change it again Mr :mrgreen: ?
:mrgreen: No. It's fine.
So now where was I oh yes. See, some people don't realise that being the CEO of a business, the brethren business, you learn to DELEGATE numbnuts. Delegation is part of what One learnt at the feet of Daddy.

I am doing it that well I have all these wannabes taking my meetings for me and I can sit at home and play pool and drink and scheme and check which locality is sending me the most money and who needs a bit of policing and I DELEGATE again. Hey am I good or what?
:mrgreen: Great!

Okay well does our brother Mr BA have another Him in him? Oh no sorry, was thinking about someone else close to me...


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Fri Jan 13, 2017 3:46 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 12, 2013 3:22 pm
Posts: 2536
Blub Rect vessel,in the light if what's been raised amongst us in such a challenging way,this great matter of what's been 'delegated' - one would like to inquire how one could accululate enough brownie points( brown nosing will do) ,not that one has the right of course, of being chosen as it were...would it be a matter of being 'divinely appointed' or is that conferred upon one on winning the spiritual bun fight? Would the time honoured tradition of kissing the hindmost and bowing down and doing obeisance with ones forehead on the floor be a sign of one's respect and humility?( can't say I was ever behooved to participate)

See one recalls the rush to be first in the lineup around whoever the lord had sovereignty raised up amongst us( pardon me while I choke,some things stick in my craw ) to shake hands, make (un) remarkable remarks or offer a drink like Davids mighty men ( David poured it out,couldn't have been scotch) ah, those days of 'swarming the servant' , poor chap could hardly get to the little boys room to relieve himself( yes,even 'great men' have to do that ,especialy after drinking) ...and NOW you know where that edict came from 'have ye not houses for ....uh,'eating'- see one has to be practical in these matters does one not?

My oh my, miss it like a toothache...


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 12:25 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 2:19 am
Posts: 423
Location: Snidey
Fisherman. Matey mate I have to give you a few tips on how to be a Key Brother of Influence, One Who Is Carrying Things as it were so to speak. A Good Brother Who Takes Responsiblity in the local area. See,there can be an abundance of Princes, but only one King was what Pigster used to rumble on about, between drinks.

Firstly, laugh with a big forced smile really loudly at anything One says; even if it is not remotely funny or its a joke you heard 30 years ago and it wasn't funny then, but it IS funny when I tell it. Got that?

Secondly, have a big fat belly but not quite as big as mine or that could be seen as despisal, which is very deep. Ways to achieve that are no exercise, drink loads of booze and don't help the wife around the house - thats her job - sit on your fat arse all day and eat loads of nibblies, and stuff yourself full at the breaks. (Especially if it is someone else's food and drink - ooh I love pigging out at other brethie's houses!)

Thirdly, 'be concerned' about things and matters. Look very serious and deep.

Fourthly, it is all about the money. See I got some tips from Branson see. See, he told me you put up a massive front that you are kind, caring considerate and generous - and guess what brethies believe you! Then screw the backsides off them - with a smile, and tell them that The Lord loves a cheerful giver...suckers 'em every time. They are wood ducks sitting in the pond waiting to be shot - you can't miss!

Finally, blame The Lord for everything - corner turning, backflips, denials, cheating, stealing, manipulating and ensuring above all that I get at least 90%, and if your good at it you will get a share of the remaining 10% split between Gareth and Dean who will have 4.5% each and how generous am I eh? You get a whole 1% to yourself subject to you signing a declaration that if the Charity Commissioners and Governments around the world wake up and get their act together and we get done over for tax evasion then you are liable for the lot. You just can't deny that The Lord is looking after you with this arrangement eh?
Gee One is too kind. Now go and take a couple of meetings for me, and rumble up some cash. The Lord needs the jet's engines supplied with fuel you know. Can't run out of fuel can we now.


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 10:15 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 8:16 pm
Posts: 1387
We had a brief reading on Acts10:1 this morning before my full English was delivered to my bedside.

Quote:
There was a certain man in Caesarea called Cornelius, a centurion of the band called the Italian band,


Would you be able help us about the width of Italian bands, give us an inkling maybe of what dog has in mind for us at this particular juncture of the testimony, when the devil is enraged by the sheer prosperity we have amongst our position in the recovery of these great men?

MOGs just wanna have fun now
Yeah, yeah
MOGs just wanna have fun

Your brother in him

William Fitzpatrick


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Sat Jan 14, 2017 3:41 pm 
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Joined: Sun May 12, 2013 3:22 pm
Posts: 2536
Ah, blub Rect vessel, one is greatly appreciative over your tips on how to be first off the mark so to speak when the servent tells a joke,or what he thinks is a joke( amazing how a glass of scotch loosens the tongue and makes dumb jokes even dumber-whisky jokes were a specialty) ...our beloved displayed that in such a beautiful yet humble way back at Aberdeen when he was 'in Liberty ' didn't he?...see those who were in his very precence responded with foot stomping and whistling(which may or may not have happened depending on which version of 'the truth' was expedient when history was being rewritten )

Yes, one recalls with a certain fondness the young wannabes who tried oh so hard to be the first to 'get' the joke even before the punch line ...even when there wasn't one,much like our blub brother 'tickle me Elmo 'laughing and rolling on the floor when you pushed the button ....I always wondered, did those in charge of the speaker system have a 'laugh track' to ensure a suitable response from the floor in case the servent forgot how the 'joke' ended?..


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 12:01 am 
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Joined: Fri Feb 22, 2013 2:19 am
Posts: 423
Location: Snidey
Ooh One has two people referring to One. How important am I? Tell me Jenny does my bum look big in this? Oh I don't know, where she has gone. Lets refer to our blub brother Patrick Fitzwilliam who asked a very intelligent question from the fifth row.

Patrick you asked '
Quote:
give us an inkling maybe of what dog has in mind
'.. Mmm well that would be deep. Very deep.
To get to know the Lord's mind in a matter requires the unction which is given from the Holey One from above, and whether we can see things, see these wicked band of opposers they can't see anything...been blinded by the dog of this world, and not to be trusted. Trust me and I'll lead you into Heaven was what Our Beloved stated, and well he certainly must have thought and it would be foolishness to disagree that it involved going through the road of getting stoned. He was particularly good at getting stoned. Actually for the sake of the young that means getting blind rotten drunk.

Actually your enquiry regarding the Italian bands is something One will now delegate to our brother :mrgreen: as One has been studying these Leadership tips from Richard Branson, what a man nay a god, and he knows the art of window dressing and coming out the other end squeaky clean! Wonder if he would like to get right with the Lord and come in amongst us and give generously? Well stranger things have happened and we have all these people who we very very reluctantly let go and some sadly have become bitter. I mean why would you get bitter when we take all your family, disinherit you and actively try and make you bankrupt? Why would you get bitter about that?

Anyway back to your question Mr Fisherman...can't hardly see you up there on the back row. Did 2 Time 2 push you up there? Come down to the front and squeeze in beside our brother BA who will help you with the Unction.

Now thats enough for one day, I'm thirsty..


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 1:38 am 
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Posts: 2536
One would like to inquire from the back row if there would be a 'link' with the 'bandwidth' which a 'few concerned businessmen' seem to be bent on exceeding these days and the Golden Girdle....see our Beloved 'laid aside' his girdle back at Aberdeen ,no not to wash the disciples feet( divinely appointed Great Men of the Recovery in an unbroken line from Paul on down to the present day don't seem to do that much these days) but when he was having a romp in the sack with Madeline ...probably should have kept his loins girdled up( not to worry,'he as a pure man',they said so didn't they?) ,ah, excuse me,somebody must have pushed 'tickle me Elmo's ' button ,he's laughing and falling and slapping his hand on the floor again, he does that whenever the 'explanation' of Aberdeen comes up ....yes, caused quite a bit of a ruckus trying to figure out which version of 'the truth' we should put in the (rewritten) version of the History of the Testimony didn't it?... probably should have stuck with the first version 'nothing happened' rather than 'she was ministering to him'( in the nude?whoo boy,that was quite an 'ambush' wasn't it? ..oops ,there goes blub 'Elmo ' again,something must have set him off...)

Ah,just wondering,Rect vessel - do some of the brothers with 'substance' have to request seat belt extensions when they fly because they have 'exceeded the bandwidth'?


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 Post subject: Re: Spoof Reading
PostPosted: Sun Jan 15, 2017 8:17 am 
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Joined: Tue Sep 17, 2013 11:10 pm
Posts: 236
Such memories!
Either you lads had drunken local regurgitation masters, or it was the ones in my locality. In these parts we were assured regularly that we needed a liberal disturbation of aprintasses, and we were to follow Mr Taylor since he was going to be with us until the rupture and he would lead us with leaven. I think it's in Texas somewhere--a worthy stronghold the likes of which our places were in need of becoming. The budding princes on their way to kingship in the stronghold in making where I hale from, were well on their way in learning the ways of the king. In fact I often felt in danger of becoming inebriated from breathing the air within 2 or 3 meters of most of the selected vassals round here. No doubt the reason that strong drink is not for kings is because there is only one of those at a time.
"Our brother has said we need a liberal distribution of princes in our places" It has a nice ring to it, and it sounds more profound each time you repeat it. Oh how weighty is such wisdom! Oh how much more so as we gaze at our belly buttons and utter throat clearings and muted grunts of agreement! Ah, how wonderful is the light! (Now at the knees! Now back to the belly button! Knees!. Belly button! Nod those heads, but not too much movement!) We are so blessed with these things that the world knows nothing of! We should be so thankful for what we have been preserved with! Hic! Don't you think Mr Fisherman? or One? or Mr Words Will never. Fell to the ground?
The wordy aprintasses hereabouts lost their way in the Marsh, and oily Woodcock is likened to a London Fog. Spiked of course, and without rhyme, reason, or transparency. Thats truth. Don't slip in it.


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